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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  Me-TV  December 9, 2015 10:35pm-11:37pm CST

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>> welcome stephen colbert! ( band playing intro music ) ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: welcome to the show, everybody! right here? yeah! thank you so much! hey, thanks everybody! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: that is lovely. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: i think that was new. that was new. thank you very much. that was amazing. that's the first time ever down
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up there they were going en. i'm your host, stephen colbert. i don't think it's any surprise i love my job, but i gotta say, show business, she is a stern mistress. and i'm pretty sure she's forgotten my safe word. i made it clear that it was "pumpkin patch." right off the tee here i've got to deal with some show b.c.c.i. last night i had on the great marion cotillard, star of the new film "macbeth." she was a lot of fun. but after the interview, immediately afterwards, i started getting a lot of calls from my old theater friends telling me they were worried because there was an old superstition that if you say the word "macbeth" in a theater, you will suffer a terrible curse. last night i did say macbeth
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my next guest is marion cottilard. starring in "macbeth." macbeth. mack beckett. macbeth. macbeth! i said it a lot, but it's ridiculous to expect me to talk about the movie "macbeth" without saying the word macbeth. it's all nonsense. i mean, macbeth. macbeth. >> whoooo! ye shall pay! >> stephen: who are you? >> i'm a goooo-st! >> stephen: you mean "ghost?" >> aye, a scottish goooo-st! i shall forever haunt you because you said the name of the scottish play. >> stephen: you mean "macbeth?" >> ye did it again! don't be sayin' that name, ye sheep's bastard! >> stephen: not a very nice thing to call me. what is the problem with saying the word? >> it is forbidden. >> stephen: i understand that part but why is it forbidden?
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it's just for fun. >> stephen: well, if it's for fun anybody should be able to say it. you should be able to say it. >> macbeth. >> ye shall pay! ye shall pay! i shall forever haunt you because you've said the name of the scottish-- >> yes, i said the name of the scottish play. look what you made me do. >> i'm a goooo-st! >> stephen: i know you're a ghost but i've got to do my show now. do you mind? >> go ahead do your shoooow. who do you have on? >> stephen: well, i've got a lot of people on tonight. it's a pretty good show. first i'm talking to the stars of "downton abbey," michele dockery, hugh bonneville and allen leach. that's very exciting crowd. ( cheers and applause ) >> very classy. i've always wanted to haunt that place.
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sitting down with the director of "the big short," mr. adam mckay. ( cheers and applause ) and he founded funny or die. i wish i'd chosen funny. >> stephen: and finally we'll have a performance from singer- songwriter kurt vile. ( cheers and applause ) nothing? you got nothing to say? >> oh, i heard good things. he got a pretty nice review in rolling stoooone! >> oh, that's the sound of jon batiste and stay human. say hello, everyone. >> stephen: say hi, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) >> they're about to hit the ignition on a one-way rocket to the groove nebula, but before they do, one more thing: >> stephen: can i talk now? >> aye. go ahead.
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have launched a campaign to ban ( bleep ). macbeth! let's try it again. keep going! keep going. people in england have launched a campaign to ban donald trump from the u.k. that's odd, i thought the british liked spotted dick. >> tonight, stephen welcomes "downton"downton abbey's" michelle dockery, hugh bonneville, and allen leech. director adam mckay, and a musical performance by kurt vile. featuring jon batiste and stay human.
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show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! thank you, ladies and gentlemen. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: yeah! >> stephen: thank you, jon. hey everybody. welcome to hour two of tonight's broadcast. ( laughter ) you know, sometimes on this show, i like to talk about what everybody else is talking about, sort of like the nation's water cooler conversation. oh, california, you might wanna ask oregon what water is. ( laughter ) but right now what everyone everywhere is talking about is donald trump and the press release that he put out in which he said, "donald j. trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of muslims entering the united states until
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on." he wants to ban muslims, a fourth of the world's population. how is that going to work? i'm not sure how the t.s.a. would be able to test for your religion. though i will say their patdowns are thorough enough to determine if you're jewish. ( laughter ) ( applause ) you just have to pay something a fair amount of money to do that to me. or perhaps we can just casually ask people trying to enter the country, "hey, i'm trying to calibrate my compass. do you know which direction mecca is?" ( laughter ) but here's the thing, i don't know why everyone is so surprised. trump has already proven he's willing to offend every group in america except white people, and frankly, as a white person, i feel left out. it's his entire electoral strategy. trump says something shocking, then all of us on tv spend days
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free air time. so i would rather not give him more of it and simply say that i agree with this bipartisan message from republican senator lindsey graham and democratic philadelphia mayor michael nutter. >> tell donald trump to go to hell. >> he's an (bleep). ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: donald, donald-- i didn't think it was possible anymore, but you have brought a nation together. and now i will never talk about you again for, like, six minutes. but i do have to, because there are plenty of other candidates to talk about, a cornucopia of people you don't know are running for president, and care even less. but there's somebody out there that people care about but i haven't talked about for na while and it's hillary clinton. even though she's the presumptive democratic nominee, these days she's harder to find than her emails.
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coinkydink. the latest cnn/orc glade plug-in poll has her ahead of rifle bernie standers, 58% to 30%, with former maryland governor martin o'malley registering just 2%. exactly the same as the milk that is more exciting than him. and that 2% is up from 1.8% in november. that's a .2% surge that some are calling "martin o'mentum." ( laughter ) not many. just me so far, but some. and it appears secretary clinton isn't willing to risk her lead by doing something crazy like going out in public. just look at the democrats' debate schedule. so far they have had one primetime weeknight debate, and their next one is on cnn, december 19, the saturday before christmas, otherwise known as
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the only ones watching will be people stranded at the airport weeping into their panda express. ( laughter ) and i don't think this is an accident. i don't think this is an accident at all, and neither do hillary clinton'shillary clinton's rivals. they're accusing that the debate schedule was put together to protect clinton. the smaller the audience, the less likely it is for clinton to have a prominent stumble and lose to her lead. exactly! hillary can avoid having any big gaffes if she sticks to small audiences. so to play it safe, i suggest she appears only at martin o'malley events. ( laughter ) so with hillary clinton awol, you can see why i am so tempted to boot up some of the orange pony. because he is always talking on the camera. but you know what? other candidates are on camera,
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and eyelid advertising opportunity, dr. ben carson. ( laughter ) last week, dr. carson went before the rblg are the republican jewish coalition and told them how he'd handle the palestinian terror group hamas. >> the challenge is the split between fatah and hummus. fatah and hummus operate in a constant state of conflict. hummus rules the gaza strip. >> stephen: it's true, it's true. ( laughter ) ( applause ) hummus does rule the gaza strip. and, frankly, we all falaughle about it. and the efforts to 56 it have been pita-ful. no wonder they dominate the
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so if i can just offer a tahini bit of perspective, america cannot take our security for pomegranate. because terrorism is a greater threat than global sha-warming. and if you think this situation is just going to go away, you're couscous. ( cheers and applause ) mmm! that is thick. but again, carson is not the only one to talk about. what about jeb bush? ( laughter ) sorry, i blacked out there for a second. i must have been talking about jeb bush. ( cheers and applause ) sorry about that.
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what was i talking about, oh,
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guests tonight are stars of the hit show "downton abbey," which is about to begin its final season. please welcome hugh bonneville, michelle dockery, and allen leech. ( cheers and applause ) hugh, michelle, allen. lovely to see you. thank you so much. first things first, you're theater people, right? >> ish, yes. >> stephen: is that macbeth thing really? do people actually say-- ( laughter ) one down. one down. two to go. ( laughter ) >> stephen: wait, what is that? what did you do? >> there's something about you have to leave the room, spit, swear, and turn three things or
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it's okay. so, macbeth. >> stephen: that sound unsanitary, frankly. it's the sixth season, starts broadcasting here in the states january 3. you guys finished shooting it last summer. >> yup. >> stephen: it's already been broadcast in england. no spoilers, please. it's not only a big hit in the u.k., an enormous hit in the united states, but it's been called the most popular show in the world. do different people enjoy it differently? like, do you get different reactions from different fans around the world? >> it's been fairly universal, actually. i mean, in all the territories around the world that it's played, it seems to have done okay. i mean, i did-- i had a letter from china the other day. >> stephen: really. >> saying what a fascinating depiction of chinese society it was. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you were sort of a mao character. >> you had an experience somewhere strange. >> i was in jakarta, and i came out at the airport, and one of the taxi drivers came out of the queue and ran up to me and went,
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and i went, "yeah." and he goes, "i drive." i said, "so do i." >> stephen: michelle, your character lady mary, the creator says he loves that you're willing to play someone who is at times unlikable. >> yeah, for me it's the most fun thing about playing her is that she -- >> you don't mind that at all? >> no, love it that she -- >> is a complete tool to her sisters? it's terrible. >> for me it's far more interesting to play. when she's being nice, i get a bit bored. >> stephen: after living for six years in 100 years ago, let's say, is there anything from that time period you think, "yeah, that would be good to keep around again." >> manners. >> stephen: what? >> basic manners. >> because you have none. ( laughter ) >> just to you. ( laughter ) i think it would be nice to have proper manners again.
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i think that's been lost. >> you're a gentleman. >> that's why we're in the show, darling. >> stephen: i think one of the things that i suspect makes the show so alluring and seem in some ways like a fairy tale to us in the united states is just how plumbing all your accents are. i think part of the people for americans we hear that accent and think of it as very classy. i'd like to try an experiment right now, if you don't mind. you can guys try an american accent for me? these are actual-- michelle, that's for you. allen, over there. hugh, this is for you. this is a scene from "downton abbey," an actual scene, where you're trying it decide what to do to cover the costs because you're hard up for money, and i would like it if you could please do it with american accents, not british accents, and see if it doesn't bring you people. ( cheers and applause )
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earth a little bit. >> see if you still like us. >> stephen: exactly. are we open on "downton abbey," scene in progress. >> what are we doing here? ( laughter ) >> i want to explain why i think we should turn down wavel's offer. >> i know we are only the caretakers of downton, but, dad, some things have to change. >> true. ( laughter ) true, but we mustn't destroy what we're trying to protect. he would wreck this ugly place forever with his ugly, cheap houses. >> but you can't block all development. >> oh, no. no, honey, i won't. i intend to expand but without spoiling. i'm going to make a plan and find a solid builder who can fit into the village and not ruin it. >> hey, guys, that may be hard to achieve. ( laughter ) ( applause )
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>> it may be harder than cashing wavel's check, but does that mean we shouldn't try? >> no! >> we will build. we'll even make money for the estate, but we won't destroy what people love about this place. do you think that's wrong? >> no, it's not wrong. >> hey, let's just forget about this. mary, who are you wearing? ( laughter ) ( applause ). >> stephen: and scene! ( cheers and applause ) you should just do the whole series again, a second time. >> exactly. >> stephen: now, let's put our cards on the table time. after doing this for six years and being finished nine months ago shooting this, how much do you want to talk about something other than "downton abbey"? do you watch any other tv? >> yes. >> yes. >> stephen: do you binge watch?
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season of narcos" on netflix. a show that shouldn't work. 80% of it is in a language i don't understand, and i know the ending, and it's sit in a country far, far away. but i was completely hooked. i thought it was brilliant. >> stephen: anybody else, any other binge? >> "the affair." >> stephen: that's more british people pretending they have american accents. >> exactly. >> stephen: particularly your american accent, a lot of british people when they are doing american accents they sound angry all the time-- "now, let me tell you one thing here, folks. i'll tell you how i feel about that." what's next for you. are there going to be any spin offs, "downton after dark?" >> i think there should be a mary and edith spin-off like "death becomes her" where we eventually push each others down the stairs. >> stephen: after six years 100 years ago, what do you guys
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>> i just finished a movie with gillilan anderson. i had a bit of a stretch. i went from a earl to a viceroy. i played lord baton with gillilan playing my wife. >> stephen: you sound like a brocade. ( laughter ). >> stephen: well, surely you like that. >> what was it maggie said? she said now you finish what you want to do, maggie. down." >> yeah, "in a dark room." >> in a "dark room." >> stephen: that's nice. perhaps that would be a good show, too well, hugh, michelle, allen, thank you so much. congratulations on an amazing tv-changing television show and good luck with the future. thank you so much. >> thank you. >> stephen: the final season of "downton abbey" premieres january 3 at 9:00 on masterpiece on pbs.
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from good to amazing. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. >>y don't think i'm telling any secrets out of school when i say i like candy. especially reese's. and not just the cups. reese's miniatures, reese's big cup peanut butter cups, dark chocolate peanut butter cups, white peanut butter cups, reese's pieces, reese's sticks, reese's sticks minis, reese's nutrageous, reese's fast break candy bar, reese's crispy crunchy bar, reese's spread and reese's snack mix. and i'm sure it's all good for you because they test it on
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( laughter ) and this time of year, reese's makes special christmas peanut butter trees. but now there's a problem with these candies shaped like trees: they're not. >> reese's trying to get into the holiday spirit with christmas tree shaped peanut butter cups. >> reese's fans sharing pictures of the holiday treat that are a lot more round than your typical christmas tree. >> it doesn't look like a tree. >> it doesn't. it looks like a piece of doo-doo. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: well, yes. but i prefer to think of it as a yule log. and i agree that reese's needs to step up their game. don't tell me you can't make a tree shape. we're the country that turned chicken into nuggets, and then
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dinosaurs. if we can dream it-- uh... i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i need to stop here for a second. let me be honest with you. i'm a bit distracted and it's not just the macbeth thing. we're having a huge technical problem with the show. you might not notice it at home, but it's hard to focus right now because when i came into the theater today, i got jack-slapped with the shocking sight of one of the light bulbs on my broadway marquee burnt out. show them, jimmy. boom! look at that. look at this. boom! right there! there is it is. below the "b"! what the hell is going on? what is that? what is this? how did this happen? what does it mean? are we canceled?
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one light bulb at a time? so i don't think i can continue with the show until i do something about this, which brings me to my new segment: "how many stephen colberts does it take to change a light bulb?" hopefully, just one, because i'm pretty expensive. all right. let's do this thing. come on, let's do it. i'm going to change this light bulb right now. come on! wooo! wooo! come on! ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: we'll talk about this later. okay. here-- wait a second. what am i doing? this-- this whole marquee is just a pagan temp toll my own vanity. we've got to start thinking
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consumption and how it impacts the world around us, and somebody has to take action and, damn it! that person is me and that day is today. ( applause ) perfect. plus now i don't have to change the bulb for another seven years as long as the rest of you don't get any crazy ideas! stick around, we'll be right back with adam mckay. ( cheers and applause ) ( applause ) scanner: rescan item. rescan, rescan. rescan item. vo: it happens so often you almost get used to it. phone voice: main menu representative. representative. representative. vo: which is why being put first... relax, we got this. vo: ...takes some getting used to.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is the director of the "anchorman" movies, "talladega nights," and now "the big short." >> hi, lawrence. >> we have no confidence in your ability to identify macro-economic trends. >> you flew here to tell me that? why? anyone can see that there's a real estate bubble. >> actually, no one can see a bubble. that's what makes it a bubble. >> that's dumb, lawrence. mortgage fraud, quintupled since
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it's flat, but home prices are soaring. that means the homes are debts, not assets. >> so mike bury a gay who gets his hair cut at super cuts and doesn't wear shoes knows more than allen greenspan and hank paulson. >> yes, he does. please welcome, adam mckay. ( cheers and applause ) >> wow. i can't believe that's your band. ah! >> stephen: good to see you. how are you? >> i'm good. >> stephen: you look good. >> can we kind of ignore them and have some intimate here--
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>> how are you? >> stephen: i'm all right, i'm all right. >> life is crazy though sometimes. i feel like what is this all about? they're getting really uncomfortable right now. >> stephen: i don't know who you're talking about. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) >> we got applause for that. >> stephen: a change is as good a a holiday, my friend. thank you for being here. >> my pleasure. i haven't done a lot of talk shows. i'm a director, can i smoke. >> stephen: legal me you can. >> marine. >> stephen: do you really have pot? >> no, i do not. >> stephen: i was just curious because we could make a little news right here. >> i'm a mormon. >> stephen: really. >> yeah, yeah. >> stephen: good for you. >> i'm not a mormon. i'm not a mormon. and i do have pot. >> stephen: you do? >> yes. >> stephen: you know why this conversation in no way surprise me? >> why is that? >> stephen: because i've known you since the early 90ss. >> that's true. >> stephen: and this is one of the first things i ever heard about you.
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first things i ever heard about you was you put up this flier for a show you were going to do. it says, "attention, on affect 28, adam mckay, age 23, will kill himself during the performance of "virtual reality." no joke. friday at midnight. ( laughter ) adam, how did the show go? ( laughter ) >> it was a great crowd. >> stephen: yup, uh-huh. what was the point of this, adam? >> actually, we-- that was the upright citizens brigade. we were back in the 90s. we started this little weird comedy group, and i had the idea of advertising my own suicide. so this is how cool chicago is. you could never do this in new york city or l.a. i actually went to the owner of, like, a giant building, and said, "hey, man. can i get on top of your building and pretend to commit suicide?"
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( laughter ) so we went on top of this building, and i threw a c.p.r. dummy of myself off this building, and then ran all the way downstairs while a friend of ourselves pretended to be the grim reaper, and we bribed him, and i came back to life, and we ran into the theater and continued our sketch comedy show. so it was one of those shows. we've all seen that show, yeah, yeah. >> stephen: exactly. well, you know, back then when i remember about improvise in chicago is never having any money because i would not get paid to do anything. >> yes. >> stephen: and i was very thin at the time because i couldn't afford food. >> yes. >> stephen: what did you do for food? how did you feed yourself back then? because you've got a big train to pull. >> exactly. >> stephen: you're a big guy. >> i'm a big guy. i like the way you phrase that, by the way. >> stephen: you're welcome. >> i always say the lowest paying job in america is improvisor right underneath poet and person who makes no attempt to have a job. those are the -- >> right.
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and i was with the original upright citizens brigade, amy poehler, ian roberts. so we came up with these ways to get free pizzas. so i would call up a pizza shop and i would say, "hey, you know, it's dick grenfield from the aulderman's office. here. you know, we helped you with mean. maybe you can help us out." and the guy would go, "okay, what do you want?" and i would go, "two large pepperoni, large sauce annual, if you know what i mean." i kept saying that. i was, like, 24, so i thought the phrase for corruption was, "if you know what i mean." ( laughter ) which turns out it is. and so-- and then my friends would drive to the pizza shop and pick up, like, four pizzas for free. and we would eat them. ( laughter ). >> stephen: wow. you have used that skill as an adult in any way? >> i did-- my favorite one is we
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i went to temptle university in philadelphia. ( cheers and applause ). >> thank you. and one day i was sitting around with about three or four friend and we were actually-- actually, speaking of marijuana, very vie-- and i said i'm going to call the philadelphia phillies and make a trade. ( laughter ) this is true. this is actually a true story. >> stephen: i understand, i understand. >> i called the phillies phillies and i knew a little bit about baseball and the g.m. at the time was a guy called bill giles. i knew the red sox guy was lou gourman and i picked up the phone, and i dialed the philly's general number, and i said, "it's lou--" i lowered my voice because i was like 20 at the at the time. "it's lou for bill." "one moment please." and i secretary picked up, "yeah, it's lou for bill." one second, please.
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you doing, it's bill? i'm like, "i'm good, man. we like what randy ready is doing for you at second base. we've got a left arm if you're interested." and there's just a long pause. and he just goes, "who the hell is this?" ( laughter ) and i went, "aaah!" and my friends were like half out of it. and i was like that actually just happened. yeah. >> stephen: speak of conning people, let's talk about wall street. ( laughter ) you've got a new movie called "the big short." >> that does not sound very american. i don't like that attitude. >> stephen: really? well, listen back in 2008 when the "the big short" takes place people were pretty angry with wall street. we have forgotten how angry people were with wall street. there were basically almost pitchforks in the street. so the movie is called "the big short," and it's about how a small group of men bet against the american economy because they saw a bubble coming that
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who are these guys and what do they do? >> it's basically, yeah, the story of these kind of outsiders, and fortunately we have an amazing cast, christian bale, steve carell, who you know verdict. ryan gosling, brad pitt -- >> those are sexy guys. >> sexy guys, those are good-looking guys and i saw all of them with their shirts off. not in a creepy way, in a professional way. >> stephen: in a professionally creepy way. >> exactly. which describes hollywood, actually. so these real guys saw the bubble before anyone else saw it, and they went in to it really believing in the market. they really thought when there's a bad investment, you have to have a counter-investment. that's the way the market works. and what they realized halfway through is oh, my god, the entire system is bought and paid for. and it really kind of overwhelmed them, and you see them go from thinking they have this great investment to realizing everything they believed in is not true.
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big short" is, in shorgt, for people who don't know out there, shorting is basically an investment that an investment value gl down and you make money off of the reduction value of someone else's investment, right? >> exactly, exactly. >> stephen: and they decide all these moarms, this huge mortgage bubble we had had to go down at some point and they bet against it, and then they begin to feel terrible that they're going to win their bet. >> yes, they feel terrible, and then they also realize the entire system is bought and paid for. when i met with the real guys, you could tell they still have this kind of 1,000-yard stare about it. everything they believed in wasn't true. the s.e.c., ratings agencies, the big banks, government, meade yarp all sort of captured by the big bank s. >> stephen: hillary clinton came on the show, she came on the show and she said if this happened again she would break you want banks and she wouldn't bail them out. do you on @do you-- do you think that would be the right thing to do based on what you learned? >> i would say, with all due
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state, former senator-- that is adorable. >> stephen: you don't believe her? >> no, i do not believe her. >> stephen: you realize i swear in all my guests. >> do you really? >> stephen: yeah. there was a bible underneath your seat upstairs. >> there was an iron man comic i put my hand on. >> stephen: either one will do. >> by the way, i think hillary clinton is a great public servant. but, no, until you change certain laws the banks banks are definitely still too big to fail. until that is changed you have to bail them out because otherwise the world economy collapses. i don't like it, but for her to say she will not bail out the banks. i saw that interview and i was like no way, you have to. >> stephen: all right, i'd like to see you two fight. >> she's got a great ground game, but i'm better -- >> and a security team. ( laughter ) >> stephen: adam thanks for being here, man. >> my pleasure. >> stephen: if you want to spark up that joint, now is the time. "the big short" opens in new york and los angeles this friday and
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so sorry we have no more room at the grown-up table. get on down. there's two chairs right there. i know right? a piece of advice step up your style, it's the holidays. they look amazing. they do look much nicer than us. look how much fun they're having! what are you talking about? me? they can't hear you. janice! dave! david! tony! guys. what? there's this huge holiday sale going on at old navy. the entire store is up to 60% off. get some new clothes, bam, you're in. lets go now. you are a holiday miracle. what's this? a box. it takes worn out things and makes 'em better. it's our biggest breakthrough yet! we're taking worn out batteries... ...and making them into something strong. energizer ecoadvanced. world's first long lasting battery made with 4% recycled batteries. arturito soup! okay, okay. arturito soup!
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>> stephen: now performing, "pretty pimpin'," ladies and gentlemen, kurt vile! >> i woke up this morning didn't recognize the man in the mirror then i laughed and i said, "oh silly me, that's just me" then i proceeded to brush some stranger's teeth but they were my teeth, and i was weightless just quivering like some leaf come in the window of a restroom i couldn't tell you what the hell it was supposed to mean but it was a monday, no a tuesday, no wednesday, thursday, friday then saturday came around and i said "who's this stupid clown
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all he ever wanted was to be someone in life that was just like all i want is to just have fun live my life like a son of a gun i could be one thousand miles away but still mean what i say then i woke up one morning didn't recognize the man in the mirror then i laughed and i said, "oh silly me, that's just me" then i proceeded to not comb some stranger's hair never was my style but i couldn't tell you what the hell it was supposed to mean because it was a monday, no a tuesday, no wednesday, thursday, friday then saturday came around and i said "who's this stupid
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the bathroom sink?" but he was sporting all my clothes i gotta say pretty pimpin' all he ever wanted was to be a man but he was always a little too cute to be a minute under marbles lost he was always a thousand miles away while still standing in front of your face then he woke up this morning didn't recognize the boy in the mirror then laughed and said, "oh silly me, that's just me" then i proceeded to brush some stranger's teeth but they were my teeth, and i was weightless just quivering like some leaf come in the window of a restroom and i couldn't tell you
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cause it was a monday, no a tuesday, no wednesday, thursday, friday then saturday came around and i said, "who's this stupid clown blocking the bathroom sink?" but he was sporting all my clothes i gotta say pretty pimpin' >> stephen: kurt vile. "believe i'm goin' down," is
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we'll be right future, sailed through that diaper stage, learned to walk, and i'm reading like a third-grader. but now it's time to go out into the world. and from what i hear, it's not all toys and games out there. will you look out for me, future?
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announcer: a horrific terror attack in paris. then, a brutal act of terror here at home. it's time for a tested and proven leader who won't try to contain isis. jeb bush has a plan... to destroy them. and keep america safe. jeb bush: the united states should not delay in leading a global coalition to take out isis with overwhelming force. announcer: tested and proven leadership matters. jeb bush. right to rise usa is responsible for the content of this message. it's called a rigged economy, and this is how it works. most new wealth flows to the top 1%. it's a system held in place by corrupt politics where wall street banks and billionaires buy elections. my campaign is powered by over a million small contributions,
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who want to fight back. the truth is you can't change a corrupt system by taking its money. i'm bernie sanders. i approve this message. join us for real change. just press clean and let roomba from irobot help with your everyday messes. roomba navigates your entire home cleaning up pet hair and debris for up to 2 hours. which means your floors are always clean. you and roomba from irobot better together . ( band playing ) captioning sponsored by cbs media access group at wgbh >> stephen: that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be bruce willis, author michael lewis, and a musical performance by lizzo.
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